Testament Of Faith
by Rosette-Cullen
Summary: Edward pushed himself farther than he could ever to think to. In this time of prosperity, he is willing to be thankful for what he has been giving. EPOV, one-shot, meaningful.


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A/N: I was writing something for a story -- which shall remained unamed -- and I was talking about Bella was speaking to God in her mind, or something like that. Well, I was beginning to think about Edward's religous ties, and I'm sure he hasn't quit it, he still has to have some little ounce of faith. So this was born. I don't mean to offend anyone, just some harmless writing.

Thanks to my incredible BETA Kitshisme you can find her in my favourites. She's got amazing one-shots. Check out her sexy librarian one, it had me swooning. O.O

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The road was slick with rain beneath me, and the small fragments of gravel quietly sunk with each step I took. I was a shadow in the darkness. No one would be able to see me, but I didn't mind if they did. What a shock it would be to see me amidst the dark foliage of night. But it was much too dark to worry about anything other than what I was on my own personal mission to do.

The dark shrouded me, settling an eerie and unforgiving pull around my body. As much as I wanted to forget the feeling, to simply shake the displeasure of its presence, in a way I needed it to stay. That feeling was something that kept me in my place, something that kept me from getting ahead of myself, and also to completely question why I was here..

I stopped outside the marble staircase and looked at the large mahogany doors. Any other place would be closed at an hour such as this, but this was a house of relevance for humans and non-humans alike. Would I overstep my bounds by being here?

The symbol on the door was one I'd seen millions of times in my life. I'd seen it on a regular basis in my own home. The thought of the giant relic securely fastened to the house flitted through my mind. There were no sounds, thoughts, or even scents for miles, and so I was left to my own peace for the moment.

That was something I was not used to. It was frequent now, being alone in my mind while being with another, but it was all too strange for me to feel safe around. I found myself going out at night and just sitting against a wall in order to hear mundane and boring thoughts. The change from rapid noise to nauseating silence was a large move that I couldn't handle as of yet.

I almost wished there was someone inside so that I could use some kind of pull to bring myself forward.. But I had to do this… I _needed_ to do this.

My fingers found themselves running through my hair on instinct, and I pushed my legs forward. Each step up those large, marble steps made my heart feel like it was pounding silently. I could hear a faint pulsing in my ears, but I knew it was in my head. There was nothing to interfere with this moment. The deafening silence took up all my concentration, and I reached the wooden doors.

I stood there for a moment, deciding what to do. Never in my life had I thought that this would be so difficult. I'd been looking for a moment to do this since the very first moment I'd found meaning in my bleak life, and I'd promised myself I would… but it was almost painful.

"Do it, just do it." I whispered to myself, as if my own lack of enthusiasm would somehow not be portrayed in my words. Nonetheless, I put my hand on the knob to the door and opened it.

The loud creaking of the door echoed through the empty halls. The lights were bright, shining from the crystal chandelier above, and the few candles that were lit at the altar. I could do this. I _needed_ to do this.

I walked forward, the scent of Baptist water hitting me immediately. The scent of young babies wafted strongly, and I found myself enjoying the sweet scent. But I ignored it, not letting the monster inside of me roar in approval of the sweet scent. That moment of refrain brought back the painful pulsing. I couldn't be here, and yet I was.

The scent of elder humans hit me next. Dried tears stuck to the wood on the benches, the salt slowly started to fade, but the scent of death was wrapped around me. Embalming fluid was faint in the air.

And I began to feel again. Not in a physical sense, but in the emotional void that I'd covered up so carefully. On the same day that a life was celebrated, another was recalled for death. At one point I'd been that infant that had been dunked in Baptist water, and I'd never be that elderly person who had family and friends weep over their passing.

The scenario was enough to remind me that I _was_, at one point, human. Being that I was human, shouldn't I have the right to be here? Where life and death were celebrated and mourned?

The scent of lilac hit me next. It had been ninety years since I'd been to a church, but I knew that lilac was something commonly used, and that made me feel better. It was calming, and relieving, and so many other things. I'd made it inside, the one thing I'd been so worried about – bolting as soon as the door opened – I overcame.

My feet moved me slowly to the altar, and each step made me feel sicker. I clenched my teeth and walked forward. Books were scattered on the pews, prepared for the morrow's sermon. I couldn't be there, I didn't deserve to be there, but I could try my damndest to be the best that I could be.

I stopped then, ten feet from the altar where a giant cross lay. I looked up at it, my eyes taking in every minute detail. I put my hands in my black slacks and opened my mouth, then quickly closed it.

I hadn't thought this far.. In some way I had no faith in myself to be able to get here. I hadn't even thought of what I would say. What could I say? 'Sorry I killed all of those people again and again' wouldn't exactly help me. My eyes closed and I willed anything to come to me.

And then it did. In a flash of light I saw a face behind my eyelids and I knew I didn't have to plan a speech, I could say what I felt. As ridiculous as it was to talk to air, I had to believe that someone was there. I lingered on the image a little longer and opened my eyes, releasing a sigh.

"God?" my voice echoed through the empty church. Of course, no one answered me; I hadn't expected a ray of light to come down and a figure to appear. It was a little crushing, though.

I breathed in deeply and exhaled, the sound echoing around me. Running my fingers through my hair again, I closed my eyes. Her face appeared again, gloriously beautiful and serene. I had pretended to be human for her, and I could never be, but I could at least try to think like one.

"Okay, I've never done this before, but I just say what I think, right?" No answer. "Uh, so I should probably apologize. I… have really sinned. And I know it's a lot more, but I can't… I can't make any of it up. I know I'm going to hell, but I still… I want to thank you."

It was quiet around me, exactly as I'd expected it to be, but something inside of me felt warmer. The nervous and tenseness of my muscles slowly eased away and I picked my head up, looking directly at the huge cross.

"I know I've sinned beyond words compare. My gluttony was beyond reprimandable, I killed those who I deemed to be worthy of death, and I took some form of justice in that.. But I've had it much too easy. I was gifted with a father, a mother, a family. I was offered a second opportunity to change my _nature_ and I walked away and killed. But I was lucky enough to be able to read them, to see who was a monster – maybe worse than me – and bring them peace..

"Well, when I was killing them, I was imagining that I was in their place. I was a monster like them, and I wanted to die… but I couldn't. My blood lust was much too great for me to drown out… and I… just wanted to think that I was something different."

A slight draft drifted through the church. The flames on the candles flickered minutely and the stale scent spread slowly. My voice had become no more than a whisper, but I somehow felt comfort in the fact that I was speaking at all. It was a lot more difficult than I'd expected it to be. Not that I'd planned to ease my way through.

"I've never been at a loss for words." I mumbled, running my hands over my face. "I guess, I mean, I _know_ there's no going back and righting what I've done, I know that. I'm a monster by nature, it's who I am, but you've given me much more than I deserve. Looking back now, I would have begged for any way to live, that's what my mother did.

"Seeing this in a new light, it all makes sense. I'd always thought it silly when my mother went to church, she'd had to force me to go along with her. But she was always faithful, telling me that one day I'd receive a miracle – that everyone does at least once in their lifetime. I now see that she was right.

"But I didn't come here to repent for my sins. There's far too many to account for. My gluttony and blood lust are what defines me, but they are not my greatest faults. I'm afraid that pride may consume me. But oddly enough, I'm not worried in the least.. It's not I for whom I carry pride for, but someone else who's been a godsend."

My eyes closed, picturing her face in my mind. I could see her smile, hear her laugher, and smell her scent. It was much too real. But I reveled in it all the same. I needed her support now; in some way I needed to be able to finish what I started. My eyes opened and I breathed in deeply.

"Thank you, God. Without Isabella Swan… I'm not sure where I'd be. I never realized how unhappy I was before. I believe that with my family's approval and the fact that I was merely alive that I would be content. But now I see that without _her_ in particular, I wouldn't be able to live now.

"Every time I see her, every time I touch her, or_ think_ about her I feel a swell of pride, the likes of which I've never felt. I like it… no, I _love_ it.. That feeling is something that keeps me thinking at all hours. So, whatever you throw at me, or I place on myself, it will be worth it. As long as I have Bella by my side… I can do it."

I stopped then, pulling my hands out of my pockets and walking forward. The Altar in front of me was filled with unlit candles; the few that were lit were off to the side. Small white name tags labeled each. I reached out for a large red candelabra, a small book of matches was resting on top of a bible and I took it. Lighting the match, I placed the flame to the wick of the candle and watched as it slowly lit.

I grabbed a small white tag, and the calligraphy pen beside where the book of matches had been, and wrote my name cleanly. But I didn't stop, I wrote Bella's name beside me, with my human surname below.

I felt more human in this moment of weakness then ever before. I was grateful to my creator – my father of this life – more than anyone, but I had to believe that somewhere inside of me there was a still a frail human boy. I placed the tag onto the candle watched the flame for a few moments..

This would be my testament of faith. I had slowly worked my courage to this point, and I would try again and again if it meant keeping the happiness I had now intact. My fingers ran through my hair and I smiled a little. The flame burned on, melting the wax around it by an inch before I decided to leave.

I'd see it soon of course.. I'd be here tomorrow afternoon, a day of celebration for my _wedding_.

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**A/N: I know in Breaking Dawn they had the wedding at the house, but I'm trying to block out Breaking Dawn and fill in gaps with my own story. It's all screwy, but I'd prefer it that way.**

**I like the idea of Edward going to a church for some reason. I see him in a new light since Midnight Sun, which was amazing, and I feel like he hits himself too much for what he is. But there's gotta be a time where he remembers that he _was_ once a human, and he has the same rights.**

**Don't forget to review!**


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